A few months ago, a long-time friend of mine who has also battled cancer (as is her toddler-aged grandson) asked me if I had ever read the pamplet Don't Waste Your Cancer by John Piper. She suggested that I get my hands on a copy and read it. I did purchase it, but since then I have discovered a free download online.
My sister, who has MS, is also familiar with the pamphlet and said she has used some of the points in it when she has been asked to speak at functions at her church.
Here are the topics, along with some of my own notations:
We waste our cancer . . .
- if we don’t hear in our own groanings the hope-filled labor pains of a fallen world.
- if we do not believe it is designed for us by God. That is a radical thought, really.
- if we believe it is a curse and not a gift. Wow!
- if we seek comfort from our odds rather than from God. Where is my focus if this is what I am doing?
- if we refuse to think about death. I have found my experience to be rather sobering in this area, not that I dwell on it; but I have thought more about my own mortality. Whether or not we have a "killer" disease, we really have no guarantee of living a long life.
- if we think that “beating” cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ. I need to think about who has brought me through this and live each moment to His glory.
- if we spend too much time reading about cancer and not enough time reading about God. Reading too much about cancer (or even survivor discussion boards) can be depressing. Where is my comfort and strength found? In God.
- if we let it drive us into solitude instead of deepen our relationships with manifest affection. I found that not holing myself up was a good choice for me. It apparently also was good for those who volunteered to do so many things for me over the months.
- if we grieve as those who have no hope. For sure
Those writings sure offer a challenge to me. I would recommend this pamphlet to any true Christian who is dealing with a "killer" or debilitating disease. It does put to us some real challenges.
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www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/books/dont-waste-your-cancer
I did finish radiation therapy according to Dr. Pohar's plans. There were a few days near the end when I was not sure if I'd finish on time because I developed a large nasty burn just as I finished the initial treatments (28) and was to start the boosts (5). It wasn't as sore as it could have been because a lot of that area is still numb from my surgery -- but it was sore.
None of what occurred was a surprise, as all along, the therapists were checking my skin in the areas being radiated, making sure that there were no breaks in the skin. Over the time of treatments, the skin becomes redder and redder, a lot like a very nasty sunburn. As long as the skin does not break, radiation can continue. If there is a break in the skin, evident by weeping, radiation has to stop because it creates problems with the healing process.
The skin under my left arm was looking more and more like it was about to break. This was two days after I finished my initial treatments. Cary took a look at the area after my therapy that Thursday, as she was not wanting me to develop a real problem over the weekend. She started me out with having to dab the area with very diluted hydrogen peroxide twice a day. I was to see her Friday morning before my treatment. She would decide then if more needed to be done.
By Friday, it was worse. I was dealing with some burns due to radiation therapy. It looked bad, and the moist dead skin smelled. I also was sore, although not as sore as I could have been due to my still being rather numb in that area from my surgery. Cary took a look at it and decided we needed to do more. She cleaned the area and then told me to return after I had my treatment.
Matt and Karen, the therapists, had been keeping an eye on things. When I showed up and was laid out on the table for the treatment, Matt said something about seeing Cary about the burn, as he described it as looking "rugged," while Karen told me that it was a good thing I could not feel most of that area. I said to Matt that I had already seen Cary, and I was going back to her after the treatment.
The other big concern Matt and Karen had was about the location, making sure that the radiation from the boosts was not hitting the area where the skin was broken.
Cary decided that in addition to the peroxide, I needed to cover the burn area with Silvadene. The cream would help prevent infection as well as soothe the area. What I was to do was about mid-afternoon, I would dab off the Silvadene she was about to put on and cover lightly with gauze to keep it off my clothes. The burn area then could "breathe" for about six hours or so. (The best thing was for me to sit in my recliner so I could prop my arm up on the armrest and minimize the friction to the area.) Then about bedtime, I would clean the area again and cover the area with Silvadene and gauze. When I got up, I would clean the area and let it breathe. Then late morning I would again clean the area and cover it with Silvadene. The process I repeated over the weekend.
I definitely was sore. Minimizing the movement of my arm was helpful. I did not go to school Friday. I was not too comfortable Saturday evening when we drove over some rough back roads to our grandniece's wedding reception. Sunday I stayed home from church.
Monday I returned. Cary took a look at the area, as did Dr. Fallon. No infection, which was a good sign. Already there were signs of healing going on. I did continue with the boosts -- although to put my left arm up where it needed to be was even more painful than it had been because of stretching the burn area. The doctor asked me if I was all right with the pain level. I said I was fine. I was taking some Tylenol, but I didn't expect it to completely alleviate the discomfort. After treatment, I went back to Cary, and she again cleaned the area and covered it with Silvadene and sent me on my way. I continued the process here at home.
Tuesday was the same pattern at the office and at home with more evidence of healing. Wednesday, my final day of boosts, there was more evidence of healing. Because I was done with therapy, I was not going to be coming in every day as I had been. So, Cary had me return on Friday so she could check on how things were going.
By Friday, the area was looking like it had new skin beginning to cover it. The area was sensitive, but there was not much oozing. There were no more areas of moist dead skin clinging anywhere. No odor. Cary asked me whether I wanted to come in Monday or Tuesday. I chose Monday, as I was hoping to return to school Tuesday.
Over the weekend, two new spots appeared. These seemed to be related to the boosts. These were more in the front. (Odd that with radiation burns like these, they do not appear over the whole area. They just seem to hit areas.) They were smaller and less nasty. So, I went ahead and started to treat them the same way I was doing the other area.
Last Monday I returned. The area under my arm was doing very well. No need to do "the procedure" anymore. BUT, now the attention went to the new spots. Cary cleaned the new spots and dabbed Silvadene on them. I was to do with these what I had done with the other burn. I was to return Thursday. Thursday would mark the end of a week of dealing with radiation burns. I still was not going to work because of my having to do some treatments at home.
Thursday I again saw Cary. She really is good at this. Like she did Monday, she cleaned up the area, including taking care of the dried dead skin. (I have not wanted to do that lest I create a problem.) The spots are healing well, like the larger area did. She thought that maybe this weekend, the oozing will end, and I can stop doing the Silvadene applications. Then I can go back to putting Miaderm on the area. As she was checking things, Cary did spot an area that had a little bit of drainage. It was not anything we have been working on, but I had also noticed it here at home and was going to say something. She had Dr. Pohar take a look at it, and he decided to prescribe me an antibiotic for ten days, as we are wanting to avoid any big problems.
While Cary was dabbing the areas and dealing with the dead skin, I asked her if burns (beyond looking like a nasty sunburn) were fairly common. She said that they are, more than it may seem. I do know that last week there was a man who was getting burns checked out. He had had to delay his treatments twice and was hoping to get back on track. I also know that a few weeks ago there was an older lady who had finished who had come back a few times after -- she said she was there because she had had problems with burns. So, I was not unusual, which I could tell because Cary seemed so practiced in what she was doing.
Monday is a holiday. No school. Cary has a school-aged daughter, and so she is taking the day off. That said, she can't fit me into her schedule until Wednesday. I am hoping that that will be my final follow-up appointment. My goal is to return to school Thursday.
So, although RT is done, I have a little longer to wait before my life can return to normal -- for the first time since late last year.
I remember writing in April that my hair was fleeing. So, I thought I ought to follow that up with the announcement that my hair has returned.
I had a false idea that my head hair was returning earlier than the norm when I suddenly had bristles that stayed the end of May. Odd thing was that nothing else happened with them. They did not grow; they did not fall out. What happened, though, was that my eye lashes, eye brows, and nose hairs decided to disappear. As a result, I had a very boring head. The only thing breaking up its monotomy was my cool plum-colored glasses.
I finished chemo July 16, and I knew that at some point my hair would start to grow. The reasonable thing was not to expect it to be right away. I had said to Patty, as we left after my final chemo infusion, that I had to think of the next two weeks in the same way I did those blocks of time from when chemo began. So, I knew not to start patting or rubbing my head to see if I noticed anything other than those bristles right away.
It was when I saw how fast my eyebrows and eyelashes returned that I knew for sure that my hair was beginning to grow back. At first, it seemed like it was coming in rather slowly, as it was barely visible in a mirror, unless I got up close to the mirror. I found myself patting and rubbing my head frequently, not that those motions would help anything; but it seemed like life was going to finally begin to return to normal.
By the end of August, it was very apparent my hair was growing. It wasn't very long -- hardly enough to even grasp with fingernails, but it was visible without getting up really close to a mirror to see it. I found myself excited enough that I would sometimes take off my hat or wig to show friends and family.
It seemed that all of a sudden, my hair really began to fill in quickly. My goal was to give up my wig and hats when I had enough hair to cover my head nicely. The end of September that happened, after I had an encouraging word from someone else doing rads who thought I looked good -- a woman who was a former hairdresser, I discovered. That day I quit, practicing my "freedom" by going on my errands around Cortland without wearing my hat.
ANOTHER STEP!!
