Waiting

Biopsies were December 19 at the hospital. Dennis went along to wait for me to drive me home after the procedure. I had never had this done before, and so I was not sure what to expect.  

I mistakenly thought the ultrasound did not show any problems in the right side, and so I (having forgotten the notes said otherwise) thought that I was getting a pass on those biopsies. I thought it meant that all they were going to do was keep an eye on that problem.  

The biopsies, though, did hurt a bit – nothing I had read indicated that would be the case. I felt the injection to numb the area. I did not feel the small incisions they made. I did not feel the insertion of the needle. I did feel each sample they took of tissue – four in the one mass and two in the other. Each time they took a sample, it felt a little like a staple gun pushing into my ribs.  

I took that day and the next day off work because

1. I could not shower for 24 hours because I could not get the spots wet in that time period;
2. I had a hard time sleeping in my bed, which was fatiguing to me;
3. I was a bit sore, ok unless I jiggled.

I waited patiently for results, but calls to me today told me differently – I am going to have to have biopsies on the right, and then will hear the results of everything Thursday, January 5.  

I am going to be out of town between Christmas and New Year’s and so nothing will be done during that time period.  

I am discouraged: I am going to have more biopsies after all. Then I will find out all of the results in one meeting with the surgeon.

So, what’s next? Biopsies on Tuesday, January 3. Consultation on Thursday, January 5.

I have a feeling things are not good, which is why they want to check the right side before giving me the final verdict.

Comfort and Peace in God's Word

I have begun compiling verses that have become special to me in recent weeks. I have copied them onto index cards for handy reference.

• Isaiah 30:15b -- In quietness and in trust shall be your strength.
• Isaiah 26:3 -- You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.
• Philippians 4:6-8 -- Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
• Philippians 4:11, 13, 19 -- Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content...I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me....And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. 

• Matthew 6:34 -- Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

• Isaiah 41:10 -- fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

• 1 Peter 5:7 -- Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
• Joshua 1:9 -- Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
• Jeremiah 29:11 -- For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
• James 1:2-5 -- Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.   If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who steadfastness. gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
• Romans 5:3-4 -- Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.
• Hebrews 13:5b–6a -- I will never leave you nor forsake you.  So we can confidently say,“The Lord is my helper."
• Jeremiah 33:3 -- Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.
• Psalm 33:20 -- Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.
• Isaiah 43:2-3a -- When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.  For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
• Psalm 119:71 -- It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.
• 1 Thessalonians 5:18 -- Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
• 2 Timothy 1:7 -- For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
• Romans 8:28 -- And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
• Isaiah 55:8-9 -- For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
• 2 Corinthians 12:9 -- But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me
• Philippians 4:13 -- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

What reminders of strength and help God offers me!

Meeting Dr. Bang

Today was my consultation with Dr. Bang (Bahng), the surgeon. He not only went through the paperwork from my mammogram, ultrasound, and MRI, he also checked out things in general.

The good news is that he thought I was quite healthy. (I have been part of an exercise group since the last part of October and the weight loss was a plus.) He also noticed the cyst on my back – been there for years. Before I was married I had had this, but it became infected and I had it lanced at the clinic; however, it eventually returned, and for it to be taken care of, it would need to be excised. I had tried for years to get a medical person to say that something needed to be done about that cyst, but no one seemed to think it needed attention. Dr. Bang put that on his “To Do” list.

He also saw a spot on my arm, one I have watched for years, lest it change and give me concern. He decided that needed to be excised as well, and he added that to his list. As for the suspicious lumps, Dr. Bang wants them biopsied. His office will schedule that for me. The two on the left will be done, using ultrasound to guide the doctor to the areas he needed to get samples from. The right side will have to have an ultrasound first, to see if the small masses seen by the MRI can be seen via another mode of radiology. If so, then those two would also be done then.

Dr. Bang will send me a summary of today's visit.

Isaiah 26:3

“You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You” (Isa. 26:3).

“In quietness and confidence is my strength” (from Isa. 30:15).

God knows my present; He knows my future.

I need to trust Him with whatever He puts before me.

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What ran through my mind when I first noticed my soapy fingers slide over an area between my armpit and my left breast and feel a small mass?

• Is this the lump that has been there for years? If so, why have I suddenly noticed it?
• Is it larger than what I remember from before?
• Is it soft? If so, is that a positive sign? Does it move any?
• Is there anything hard I can detect? If not, is that a good sign?

I thought that there can’t be a problem, as I had been to the doctor in October 2010. I had had the annual mammogram, and nothing suspicious showed up. There had been times before when I would be sent to have a follow-up session, ultra-sound, to settle any questions. How can something like this have come so quickly?

My attempts to ignore the problem did not work. I would accidently feel it when showering. The question about its size was in my mind a lot – was it the same lump or was it a new one? Was I thinking about it a lot? No. I was thinking about it enough – at least once or twice a day.

Why was I hesitating to make an appointment? I was afraid that if I had a serious problem, I would require surgery and maybe some treatments, which might disrupt my plans to travel to Ohio to visit my parents and my siblings between Christmas and New Year’s.

The inner voice would not go away, and I began to find myself wondering more and more about whether or not I had a problem. Was this lump new? If not, was it an old one that had changed? I did think about waiting until January, if things did not change and the lump disappear. No peace.

Finally I called my DR to set up an appointment. I did not say what was motivating me to come in, but I knew I would “tell on myself” once I got there. So, November 30, I appeared at the office.

The exam revealed two issues:

1. I had some type of an unrelated infection, and there were some other possible problems that needed to be watched. I would get a prescription, and I would need to come back for a follow-up appointment.
2. The lump did not feel suspicious, but to be safe, I would be sent to CRH for a mammogram and ultra-sound just to be sure.

I left the office with “orders” for a mammogram and an ultrasound. That 
would happen Friday afternoon. 

Friday afternoon I appeared for my appointment. First the mammogram. Markers were placed to point out the problem area. The only other thing that caught my attention was the fact that the one taking the digital images wanted more pictures (and added equipment) for the problem area, saying that she thought it would save me a trip back for more pictures. She was anticipating what the evaluator would need. Then came the ultrasound. Again, the particular area needed to be pointed out for her to pinpoint her area to get images. What caught my attention here was that she said the same thing the other lady said about wanting more images of the area. Also, it appeared she used something to make some measurements.

Monday, at lunch, I received a phone call from the doctor's office. Between that conversation and one the following day, I heard that I had not just one lump, but two; both looked suspicious: undefined, shadowy; it appeared that one of the lymph nodes was slightly enlarged. I thought I heard that I would either have an MRI or see a surgeon. WRONG! Both. I came home to two messages, one for an MRI to be Thursday morning and one for the consultation with the surgeon for Monday afternoon.

I did not sleep very well. My mind just would not turn off. Tuesday I was so-o-o tired, but I had responsibilities. I also was having to wait word on whether or not insurance would ok my having an MRl. The call came, again while I was at school. The MRI was on, which meant I was again going to be missing some time at school. (I push in to classes to assist teachers, and I was beginning to think I needed to explain to them a little of what was going on.) I came back in, resumed what I was doing, and told the teacher I’d tell her more after the kids left for their special. The 8th grader I work with upstairs was leaving at 2:10, which meant I did not have to get back upstairs for math. I could stay and talk. I did.

Wednesday, I was tracked down again in ELA. The location for my MRI was being changed, and there were a few other things they wanted to tell me. Got home and there were two messages about the same thing. Seems they felt pressed to contact me because the call at school came after the calls home. The MRI was moved where they felt they would get a more clear image. The two who do that would meet me over at the other facility.

What was running through my mind?

·         Everything is moving so fast. Is this looking serious?

·         They are intent on getting moving on this. Why?

I am starting to get concerned, although I thank God that I am able to sleep at night.

Although I was not expecting the MRI results, every time I was in a class where the phone rang, I was afraid it would be for me. That is how it was all week. The phone tended not to ring into classes where I was very often. Lately it had been regular, maybe at a different time of day. The phone rang 2nd period, not for me; the phone rang 3rd period, not for me; the phone rang 4th period, for me. The MRI results were in. I thought that I would not hear about them until my consultation on Monday. Once again the news was not encouraging – still suspicious lumps; however, there seem to be indications of problems on the other side as well. So, there will be a need to biopsy both sides.

What I do not know. . . Which type of biopsy? Samples taken from all suspicious areas?

That I find out Monday. That is when the plan will be discussed with me.