Isaiah 26:3

“You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You” (Isa. 26:3).

“In quietness and confidence is my strength” (from Isa. 30:15).

God knows my present; He knows my future.

I need to trust Him with whatever He puts before me.

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What ran through my mind when I first noticed my soapy fingers slide over an area between my armpit and my left breast and feel a small mass?

• Is this the lump that has been there for years? If so, why have I suddenly noticed it?
• Is it larger than what I remember from before?
• Is it soft? If so, is that a positive sign? Does it move any?
• Is there anything hard I can detect? If not, is that a good sign?

I thought that there can’t be a problem, as I had been to the doctor in October 2010. I had had the annual mammogram, and nothing suspicious showed up. There had been times before when I would be sent to have a follow-up session, ultra-sound, to settle any questions. How can something like this have come so quickly?

My attempts to ignore the problem did not work. I would accidently feel it when showering. The question about its size was in my mind a lot – was it the same lump or was it a new one? Was I thinking about it a lot? No. I was thinking about it enough – at least once or twice a day.

Why was I hesitating to make an appointment? I was afraid that if I had a serious problem, I would require surgery and maybe some treatments, which might disrupt my plans to travel to Ohio to visit my parents and my siblings between Christmas and New Year’s.

The inner voice would not go away, and I began to find myself wondering more and more about whether or not I had a problem. Was this lump new? If not, was it an old one that had changed? I did think about waiting until January, if things did not change and the lump disappear. No peace.

Finally I called my DR to set up an appointment. I did not say what was motivating me to come in, but I knew I would “tell on myself” once I got there. So, November 30, I appeared at the office.

The exam revealed two issues:

1. I had some type of an unrelated infection, and there were some other possible problems that needed to be watched. I would get a prescription, and I would need to come back for a follow-up appointment.
2. The lump did not feel suspicious, but to be safe, I would be sent to CRH for a mammogram and ultra-sound just to be sure.

I left the office with “orders” for a mammogram and an ultrasound. That 
would happen Friday afternoon. 

Friday afternoon I appeared for my appointment. First the mammogram. Markers were placed to point out the problem area. The only other thing that caught my attention was the fact that the one taking the digital images wanted more pictures (and added equipment) for the problem area, saying that she thought it would save me a trip back for more pictures. She was anticipating what the evaluator would need. Then came the ultrasound. Again, the particular area needed to be pointed out for her to pinpoint her area to get images. What caught my attention here was that she said the same thing the other lady said about wanting more images of the area. Also, it appeared she used something to make some measurements.

Monday, at lunch, I received a phone call from the doctor's office. Between that conversation and one the following day, I heard that I had not just one lump, but two; both looked suspicious: undefined, shadowy; it appeared that one of the lymph nodes was slightly enlarged. I thought I heard that I would either have an MRI or see a surgeon. WRONG! Both. I came home to two messages, one for an MRI to be Thursday morning and one for the consultation with the surgeon for Monday afternoon.

I did not sleep very well. My mind just would not turn off. Tuesday I was so-o-o tired, but I had responsibilities. I also was having to wait word on whether or not insurance would ok my having an MRl. The call came, again while I was at school. The MRI was on, which meant I was again going to be missing some time at school. (I push in to classes to assist teachers, and I was beginning to think I needed to explain to them a little of what was going on.) I came back in, resumed what I was doing, and told the teacher I’d tell her more after the kids left for their special. The 8th grader I work with upstairs was leaving at 2:10, which meant I did not have to get back upstairs for math. I could stay and talk. I did.

Wednesday, I was tracked down again in ELA. The location for my MRI was being changed, and there were a few other things they wanted to tell me. Got home and there were two messages about the same thing. Seems they felt pressed to contact me because the call at school came after the calls home. The MRI was moved where they felt they would get a more clear image. The two who do that would meet me over at the other facility.

What was running through my mind?

·         Everything is moving so fast. Is this looking serious?

·         They are intent on getting moving on this. Why?

I am starting to get concerned, although I thank God that I am able to sleep at night.

Although I was not expecting the MRI results, every time I was in a class where the phone rang, I was afraid it would be for me. That is how it was all week. The phone tended not to ring into classes where I was very often. Lately it had been regular, maybe at a different time of day. The phone rang 2nd period, not for me; the phone rang 3rd period, not for me; the phone rang 4th period, for me. The MRI results were in. I thought that I would not hear about them until my consultation on Monday. Once again the news was not encouraging – still suspicious lumps; however, there seem to be indications of problems on the other side as well. So, there will be a need to biopsy both sides.

What I do not know. . . Which type of biopsy? Samples taken from all suspicious areas?

That I find out Monday. That is when the plan will be discussed with me.