VBS Was This Week

This week has been VBS at church.  It has been odd to have to not be involved, but I just am not up to it.  I have been going down for the closing portion of the morning just to see who all is there and get a sense of how things are going.

I really have not been feeling as perky as usual, this being the week after chemo.  I really can’t take deep breaths without coughing, and so I have to be careful about how quickly I move from here to there so that I do not have to “catch my breath.”  When I have to do that, I have to take a deeper breath than normal, and I get coughing, which makes me have to take deep breaths, which makes me still cough . . .  I have to work at not letting the coughing trigger my having to take deep breaths.  

I must admit that I am getting weary of all of this.  I am seven months into all of this, from my initial appointment to the mammogram to the ultrasound to the MRI.  Then came the meeting with the surgeon, two biopsies, diagnosis of cancer (two types), the glitch of the infested cyst on my back, the surgery, the pathology report results, putting in the port, and now chemo.

I just want to be done.  I remind myself that this is how is it – just deal with it!  I realize that the end will happen.  Two more chemo Mondays and that is done.

I remain thankful that God has kept me from having too difficult of a time with the chemo. 

A Song in My Mind

About a month more of chemo . . .

This song I hear from time to time on the radio.  The second verse and the chorus especially speak to me:

"He loves to hear our praise

On our cheerful days

When the pleasant times out weigh the bad, by far;

But when suffering comes along,

And we still sing His song,

That is when we bless the Father's heart.

"God wants to hear you sing

When the waves are crashing round you,

When the firey darts surround you,

When despair is all you see.

God wants to hear your voice

When the wisest man has spoken

And says your circumstance is as hopeless as can be:

That's when God wants to hear you sing!"

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What is my heart's response as I am engaged in this cancer battle?  Do I feel sorry for myself?  Do I ask "Why me?"  Am I unhappy with God for allowing this in my life?  Can I still exhibit joy in spite of my current circumstances?  Some things to think about, for sure.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKnh4LeNOww 

Today Is My Birthday

Today is my birthday.  Usually this is not a big deal because I am not at any significant age:

• I am way past being old enough to drive.
• I am way past being old enough to vote.
• I am way past being old enough to be considered a mature adult -- at least most of the time.
• I have passed the age where I can initially join AARP.
• I have reached the first two levels of qualifying for senior discounts (50, 55)

But, this year I have learned that when a person has cancer, celebrating every birthday is a big deal.  The American Cancer society calls itself the "Official Sponsor of Birthdays."  This may explain why, when I returned to the oncologist's office for the blood draw today, I got a big hug from Nergiz.

I have learned that I need to think of my birthday a little differently now.  It's not the age I am; it's the fact that I am here to celebrate it once more.