Focused

How easy it is to let difficult news overwhelm us. It is so easy to let our minds run ahead of us and to maybe even begin to worry about the future.

Even before my diagnosis was confirmed, I was encouraged to not fret about the future; instead, I needed to focus on what things were true:

• Yes, I had a lump; but I have had lumps before that were nothing other than fibrocystic lumps.
• Yes, the mammogram and ultra-sound showed two suspicious areas; but a closer look may show no problems — just things to keep an eye on.
• Yes, the MRI confirmed those two areas as still suspicious-looking AND two possible new problems; but, biopsies may refute that any of it is cancerous. People get back negative results to biopsies.
• Yes, I had two biopsies on one side. The lumps still may not be cancerous. This is a final, closer check.
• Yes, results of the biopsies were held until ones were taken of the other side. May as well just meet once with the doctor about the results rather than twice — especially since I do not live in the city. Waiting does not mean trouble.

Step by step I went. I did not share with too many what was going on, as I did not know FOR SURE that there was a serious problem. Later others told me they wished I had said something sooner about what was going on so they could pray — I assured them that although I appreciated that, I was trying hard to stay focused on what was true . . . what was actual . . . what was real. To me, too much sharing would seem to me to be an indication that I was worried. I was thinking too much about my future. I believed that if I could keep my focus, I would be all right and not feel overwhelmed with what was suddenly going on in my life.

Two verses I latched onto at this point AND kept reminding myself of, if I caught myself fretting:

• Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Phil 4:8)
• “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (Matt. 6:34)

Even as things progressed on to my hearing my diagnosis,my initial treatment, pathology reports and their implications, etc., I found myself going back to these two ideas. One day at a time. Otherwise, this would just be so overwhelming.